go OR go away

1:00 AM

its saturday
and guess what
im HOME
yea its becoming typical

rainy morning
pouring afternoons
freezing nights


i have bangs on my head now
i finally got to talk to my idiots online
im real happy for sisi
i got to know that i brought a pest to sisi

lastly
i finally found the right place
for the party

12:33 AM

i have alot to say


today's afternoon time was insane
went macs with sisi
been naughty and went to make fun of ppl
told the acs barker boys that our sch girls
were taking their pics told them to be careful
and we left laughing our heads off
before we know it
the boys were running across the road in the rain
the girls must hate us but sisi and i couldnt be bothered
we were bored


sigh
it sucks
when you live on the happiness of the ppl around you
like a battery


ystd sux and i thought today would be better
its half bad than expected


tuition as usual ystd
stupid matter shldnt had went further on

what kind of monster does this
you use to be my best partner
now you'r nothing but the same like the rest

i know in your eyes
im a boy, i'm forever one
but do you have to put that vision of yours
in everybody else's eyes

yea i may seem boyish in the past
but im a girl
im a girl in the past, a girl now
and i'll always be a girl
because god made me a girl

im even girl-lier now than ever
i dont care and dont bother
how you'r gonna think of me
but i felt rly hurt
with those words of yours

i broke down
and for a moment almost gave up
but i shall not
let you allow myself to be brought down

sometimes i regret bringing sisi to you

just when everything is getting back on track
something is bound to always come in between
damn



i cant wait for N lvls to end
i need the spree for everything
i feel like having what i quit
the party
31 okotober


its so hard to smile this days
but i'll do my best no matter what





you must be bored reading till here
or you just dont like me and wanna know
how the girl you dont like is leading her life
but whatever
i hope your day be better on the next day always

12:51 AM

this morning
woke up at 6 to write love letters
for the boys who are going ns
they were late but it was alright
we fooled around talked so much
was so touched when they said how much fun i gave them
i'll miss them
doubt they will meet when they book out but still
thanks for being there to every single one of you
when i lost the clique
thanks for being there rehlly


came home studied 3 hrs
home alone
considered to go wander on my own
but didnt and i had food bought for me


tonight's quite a night
i dumped a fr
an ungrateful one


im gonna study my heart out for a month


i dont think i can do it
but i must


the illusion
if i pass the clique will be there
it will come through right
god, i miss them
chester domic peiling hunwei matthew
maybe lex alil
wonder hows he now


okay i can do it
i have to


sigh



the silence isnt so bad
till i looked at my hands and feel sad

10:56 PM

and one thing which i almost forgot
everytime you appear unexpectedly
not to bring joy but the opposite

what am i to you


my face is not your street directory
my mind is not your 24 hrs singtel operator
and lastly
my heart is not for you to play





go away
stop the unexpected moves



i dont hate you
i hate me for getting affected
im annoyed when i shldnt be



you'r only human
but im the alien here

12:46 AM

today was insane
went to find sisi at tiong first
drummed and trained to town
went wisma to buy my cardis
ate our usual korea food at taka
went kino but no new comics
so walked over to far east

we'r like some spoilt brats
we kept wanting to take cab
cuz our heels were killing us


bought new wedges and shirt
badbadbad
we buy things without looking at prices
the shirt event was retarded
walked in store flipped around
took the shirt and paid
left for cine
but movie no more seats
:(

walked over to central shopped about
sat outside and people watched
bused to plaza sing even though its a stop away
bought eye mask face mask
went arcade
took pictures


came home early
but its alright
8 hrs of shopping in heels is fine too
missing out chunkfest was bad but
everything's worth for
a trip out with sisi



my legs are aching
breakfast with the boys tmr
:S



im becoming so girly and vain
if i were to look back at the old me
i wouldnt know who that girl is
dresses heels and every other girly stuff



:l
empty
empty
empty




what if the horror comes through

nvm you can do it
go michie :l

12:32 AM

went tiong for breakfast and grocery shopping
went to sweet talk stupid auntie cut my queue
i went to rawr at her son then walked off
bought coke instead


and guess who i saw
the most unexpected person ever
SAMUEL LEEEEE
i forgot everything and ran straight to hug him
and weijie also omg
cuz of ns they shaved their heads
:( poor boys they had such nice hair styles in the past
idiot samuel after the fight he go MIA
hmm outing with them soon :D


bought markers and pens



im going out with sisi soon
okay i cant wait

12:00 PM

the boys are clubbing away
mummy took my ID :S
so much for considering to go

but nvm breakfast on sunday
usual hideouts at greatworld
last outing with them


stupid you
make my sisi annoyed
are we humans or aliens
sisi and i cant blend in


shopping + movies+ iscream+ drumming tmr
dresses and heels
here comes the girly routines again
:S



hey bestfr
i dont know which home you'r in now
but i miss you
like 1113487095674586 X
are you missing me too?
chestertan




boysarewhatever

11:41 PM

if i have no insonmia
i'll sleep my life away



singtel operators are 24 hrs
next time
you get your entertainment from them

12:47 AM

dinner before tuition
saw bernardette and his girlfr, jeanette
she's prettaye and nice
and she liked the bag i was carrying


went tuition
as usual updates with tescelyn
talked to grace and all

sisi called on the way home
went to get iscream with pa




he texted me
i was very surprised
as usual he's hot and cold
he comes and go



im annoyed with myself
for allowing myself to get affected
damn me

10:58 PM

argh lack of sleep
sisi only went to bed at 2 plus
i couldnt still
ended up reading comics

went to slp at 5
woke up at 8 by the freaking construction
make the whole building shake like earthquake
and roy preparing to go for camp

bernardette called for prata
walked over to cyrus half awake to call him out
he ate i drank
was super tired


went to his fr hse
disturb them sleeping
clean up the dumpster
ended up i caught an hour's nap


came home mins ago
shld i study
or go watch G force the hammy movie


damn there's tuition tonight
tmr last outing with the boys
before they'r all sent away
for a compulsory thing in singapore for being 18


shld i go shopping before tuition
shld i even go

fourskin, i need you

12:18 PM

english papers today
i screwed my letter writing
awesome.

a friend lied
without a good reason
and i found out
but im keeping silent

went island creamery with sisi
cookies and cream iscream
sat there laughing and hiding from bees

came home
long talk with mummy
hmm iloveyou
dont worry bout roy too much :(

was on the phone with sisi majority of the time
she refuse to let me go
without having a thing to do i just stayed on the line

till pa came to ask me go skate
we ended up walking to greatworld
slacked and ate there
walked back to petrol station
talked alot as usual
father daughter time
pa iloveyou and i promise i'll do my best

sisi just let me off the line mins ago
she's in a rainbow place
while my vision's blocked by the grey haze


im feeling empty
i dont feel like doing anything
im having insonmia





its so tiring to chase after a person
i did it a year ago
now im rusty
and im never doing it again anymore
i need no further disappointment



and im disappointed at her
everyone trust her and goes to her
so why lie to me
and even about smth stupid



and you, you better feel lucky
im allowing you to be frs with sisi
but i know you'r not grateful
and im leaving it
its your own time own actions




when frs let you down
but you try to turn the day around
it still doesnt flip
so you'll only end up cracking





i just gotta live through the horror

simple huh
but its easier said than done

11:34 PM

i think i've let my parents down
my brudder is changing for the worst
and my parents are speaking to me bout him
what can i do
what havent i not do
i tried many times and it could be just a matter of time
before his fist comes down hard on my face


my exams arent reaching the standards
everything seems to be going out of track
im praying more to god these days
im trying to be happy
but when it all comes down hard
its tough


big girls don't cry

10:54 PM

argh chinese paper 2 :l
paper one was awesome

went SMU with monsie and kyle
andi went to meet her boyfr
monsie's frs came
Tizzz came:D
haha she changed her hair


didnt study much
was dreaming about
monsie used my phone to text bracesboy
in turn of more texts from him
and she called him -.-
leonard called right after that
he asked me to go find them
but i musnt be seen in my polkadots
:(


dreamed somemore
then decided i shld go home
i looked like a freak on the bus
i was frowning the whole journey

arghhh damn MICHIE
wake upppp
think of the outcome
nothing good's gonna come out of it
so get it over and done with
and get back to before!!!





rehlly what are you
i dont know man
mister hot and cold

8:49 PM

i miss the old times
all the late night rendezvous


N lvl first paper's tmr
how fast time flies


i love the weather now
gives me a chance to wear my hoodies


i think those from the past
especially some of them
is spiraling down
yuck.




he's hot and then cold
and then now
i dont know
:l


maybe
i will stop the chase
maybe not






love's a maze

3:26 PM

you'r like a maths question
but yet the paper to come is SS


if i stop being lazy and run
will you be at the end

12:18 AM

this is insane
this is rehlly bad
i talked to him ystd
and found out
GRACE told him EVEYRTHING
yes thats what he said, everything
and he refuses to tell


arghh just how much did she tell him!
i felt so embrassed retarded and all
i had to hide under my covers
and conquer my insonmia all the way till 3

damn! i never expected her to go tell
arghhhhhhh


okay anw i studied SS the whole day
went over to beth hse for dinner
macs delivery and i told her what happen
she couldnt stop laughing
and i just squirmed in her bed
till she told me my cheeks are red
i hate to be fair man
if im tan no one will tell im blushing :S


was being annoying i kept complaining to her
and her brudder is so idiotic
he kept playing the pitbull song rehlly loud
and like ate the mega burger in front of me
in a totally turn off appetite manner



okay
he's just hmm like a maths question
hot and cold
idk :l



tonight's complete
everyone's asleep

11:26 PM

today was awesome
school was okay
i studied all the way

bernardette called ^^
thought got job for me again
but instead he wanted to meet at liang court for dinner
and i was told to wear smth girly cuz his frs going

and so i wore my dress
and i bought 2 shirts:D
his frs are as idiotic as them
and i told him bout the
Brrrrr.......boy


haha he tell me not to indulge too deep
and he believes i know the limits
haha awesome bud i'll keep those in mind


andand i tried my luck once more
its progressing 5% more i think


studying tmr

apple juice and red M&Ms




im grinning like some mad idiot now

12:45 AM

school was quick today
maybe cuz i did my work productively
shocking's not the right word

met up with les and leon for lunch
more like i watched them eat LJS
craving for it but im on a monster diet

tuition in awhile soon



andand i can't stop my mind
from replaying that killer smile of his
im not trying my luck
what a pity
he was everything i wanted in a guy


oh well studies is priority now
pity me if you must
and cherish your boyfr if he has brraces(:


bye

6:55 PM

the previous post was a joke
amazing how a short while of time
can make your emotions haywire
it isnt the first time i felt it anyway
the wave just rolled over me
like a tide on the beach


oh well
its been a year since i felt like how i did
and only you can feel it in your own world



im not going to try my luck
because there's no progress



back to before
study exercise wander


an invitation to a hardcore alcohol chalet
how tempting
but im rejecting it

an honest answer
is like
a kiss on the lips




his killer smile
braces = bonus

10:58 PM

i flipped a coin
and the answer was to try my luck
but i refuse to wallow in my previous footsteps
i want to study firsthand
so my boy with that killer smile
will you wait for me

8:36 PM

almost forgot

Happy Teacher's Day!

10:50 PM

i didnt go kino
cuz im going tmr with beth
went to meet leslie just now
the boys suggested to drink
and i said no thanks

shocked them


well i feel like stopping
its not a good thing being branded hardcorex
and holy beth talked sense in me
god wouldnt like it too
so i'll have my limits


cant believe Ns is next week
:OOO
and im rehlly not ready for it

but i promise to work even harder

pjs on rainy day


monster dieting and workouts

10:38 PM

some pictures of ystd
edited version

last group shot


me and the girls at LJS

4:23 PM

for yesterday
the word used would be insane
waited for booncong and wanhim outside queenstown
bused to greatworld
met kenneth all etc there in macs
leonard came over with his frs
surprised that they all seemed so SCENE
and i saw one with brrrraces :D kewt
gordon and issac came over after that
jiapei and peiqi joined us

helped the boys to go disturb some idiot from leonard sch
went over to rv finally
followed by a bigger group
waited outside slacked
then ran into school
but kena chased down to canteen
the boys ate cuz canteen food cheap
ms ng came, camwhored catch up etc
then kena chased out again but camwhored

everyone sorta all left tgt
gabriel chan never come
gordon booncong ziqi shanice xinyi janice and me
went over tiong to slack
went LJS eldrid came to join us
but the girls going off so we went arcade
drummed and saw issac ivan
but saw the countdown night ivan in arcade also
took a picture with the actor in fighting spiders
then i went off to meet les

the boys wanna go club
but i figured im not rehlly the kind so i went home
but roy brought kendrick etc home
so ended up we went cyrus
1 match of L4D
then the rest dota :(
but i was so hyped i kept hopping about

but the energy drained out on the way home
morning didnt follow to cyrus
too tired already

today's a rainy day
woke up to an empty house
lazed around and revised alil of SS
ystd's happenings kept replaying in my mind

badbadbad
shld i snap out of it
or try my luck


going kinokuniya later
gotta get new comics and pens
shouldnt be a problem
to have a third trip out on my own
yea i can do it(:

4:08 PM

go OR go away

1:00 AM
throughthehorror